Astrid and the Horrible, Terrible, Very Bad, No Good Day
by Cke1st
Summary: We all know how hard Astrid worked to be the best young warrior in Berk. But Astrid's life at that time wasn't all roses. I just want to know one thing: how did this entry from her diary get rewritten centuries later and transformed into a famous children's book?


**Astrid and the Horrible, Terrible, Very Bad, No Good Day**

_A/N We all know how hard Astrid worked to be the best young warrior in Berk. But Astrid's life at that time wasn't all roses. I just want to know one thing: how did this page from her diary get rewritten centuries later and transformed into a famous children's book? Rated K._

**o**

I went to sleep with jerky in my mouth and now there's jerky in my hair and when I got out of bed this morning I tripped on my axe handle and by mistake I dropped my spiked skirt in the sink while the water was running and I could tell it was going to be a horrible, terrible, very bad, no good day.

At breakfast my brother Varinn found a toy dagger in his bowl of oatmeal and my brother Rangi found a toy dragon in his bowl of oatmeal but in my bowl of oatmeal all I found was oatmeal.

I think I'll move to Greenland.

When we walked into the village, the chief let Snotlout walk on the outside of the group. Ruffnut and Tuffnut got to walk on the outside of the group too. I said I was being squished. I said I was being mushed. I said, if I don't get to walk on the outside of the group I am going to be sick. No one even answered, even when I punched them.

I could tell it was going to be a horrible, terrible, very bad, no good day.

At Dragon Training, Gobber liked Hiccup's technique with the dragon-nip better than my technique with the axe-to-the-head.

At battle-cry time he said I bellowed too loud. At dragon-identifying time he said I left out six Terrors. Who cares about six Terrors? I could tell it was going to be a horrible, terrible, very bad, no good day.

I could tell because Ruffnut said I wasn't her best friend anymore. She said that Fishlegs was her best friend and that Hiccup was her next best friend and that I was only her third best friend.

I hope you sit on your spear, I said to Ruffnut. I hope the next time you get a double-decker shaved-yak-meat sandwich, the meat part falls out of the bread part and lands in Greenland.

There were two lard cakes in Fishlegs' lunch bag and Ruffnut got a dried herring stuffed with almonds and Hiccup's father gave him a piece of mutton jerky that had little coconut sprinkles on the top. Guess whose mother forgot to put in dessert?

It was a horrible, terrible, very bad, no good day.

That's what it was, because after school my mom took us all to the village priest and he found a curse just on me. Come back next week and I'll exorcise it, said the priest.

Next week, I said, I'm going to Greenland.

On my way home the priest's door closed on my foot and while we were waiting for my mom to come get us Varinn made me fall where it was muddy and then when I got mad because of the mud Rangi said I was a crybaby and while I was punching Rangi for saying crybaby and punching Varinn for everything else, my mom came back and scolded me for being muddy and fighting. Even though I was winning.

I am having a horrible, terrible, very bad, no good day, I told everybody. No one even answered.

So then we went to the cobbler's shop to buy some boots. Varinn chose white ones with blue fur trim. Rangi chose red ones with white fur trim. I chose blue ones with red fur trim but then the cobbler said, There's no such thing. They made my buy plain old brown ones, but they can't make me wear them.

When we picked up my dad at the butcher shop he said I couldn't play with his sausage machine, but I forgot. He also said to be careful of the meat cleavers on his chopping block, and I was as careful as could be except for my elbow. He also said don't fool around with his bottle of ink and his map of the world on his desk, but I think I blotted out Greenland. My dad said please don't pick him up anymore.

It was a horrible, terrible, very bad, no good day.

There were dried beans for dinner and I hate dried beans.

Mom and Dad were kissing afterwards and I hate kissing. I will never kiss a boy, _ever_.

My Laugardagr bath was too hot, I got soap in my eyes, my axe sharpening stone got lost in the dirty water, and I had to wear my nightie with the flowers on it. I hate my nightie with the flowers on it. It makes me look like a girly-girl.

When I went to bed Rangi took back the sleeping-fur he said I could keep and the fire in the fire pit went out and I bit my tongue.

The Terrible Terror from under the house wants to sleep with me, not with Varinn.

It has been a horrible, terrible, very bad, no good day.

My mom says some days are like that.

Even in Greenland.

If it happens again tomorrow, I am going to _clobber_ somebody!


End file.
